This piece and today's comments are really good in stirring the mind about this issue. It's a tough one in some ways. No obvious right answer for me. At 17 I got pregnant for the first time, alone and confused in the late '60's at an art school I had not wanted to attend. I was reeling from the chaos of all that was going on in that era …
This piece and today's comments are really good in stirring the mind about this issue. It's a tough one in some ways. No obvious right answer for me. At 17 I got pregnant for the first time, alone and confused in the late '60's at an art school I had not wanted to attend. I was reeling from the chaos of all that was going on in that era and actually wanted to get a job, not go to school. My parents plucked me out of that school and that relationship, seeing that something unfortunate had happened to me possibly because they had forced me into a situation I had not wanted, and hauled me off to Puerto Rico to have an abortion. More confusion. It was a medical procedure with an attached profound, vast dimension. If they had not done that, my life would have been much different than it has turned out to be. I still feel wrenched by the issue- being pregnant by the wrong guy at the wrong time in one's life is a tragedy, but so is having an abortion. Abortion can be seen as the lesser of two evils, certainly when you factor in the dreadful orphanages run by churches or other corrupt organizations. But there are many belief systems that counsel against it. Basically, there is a price to pay for everything we do. I would not wish a back alley abortion on anyone, nor an unwanted child who cannot be cared for properly and whose very existence condemns the parents to a life of hardship. What Texas is doing, what the supreme court is doing, is wrong, in any event, and though I cannot ever celebrate the famous "woman's right to choose," given my own history which had very little choosing on my part, I can say that it seems like cruelty to eliminate options with such callous disregard for those who will suffer.
Agree wholeheartedly, Lauri. I shared yesterday about my sister’s pregnancy, but didn’t go on to say, I later was 17 and pregnant. I had just graduated high school and was scheduled to leave for college. That didn’t happen. I decided to have my baby…scared about what my parents might do to me, I hid my pregnancy as long as I could. I married the father. Not a great marriage, but he took care of us when we needed it. My teenage pregnancy is 49 years old now. She one time asked me if “she was a mistake.” I answered, “you were an accident; never a mistake.” I have reflected on my choices many times, but always conclude that I am happy with my decision. But that was MY CHOICE! I have also seen the devastating, conflictive consequence of having an abortion in such circumstances. Decades later, some women have debilitating guilt. My opinion is that guilt is mostly perpetuated by the right wing political movement that Heather talks about in her Letter. As Jen Psaki said yesterday, (paraphrasing) these women are making excruciatingly hard decisions.
I agree that guilt, shame, and life-long devastation was created by anti-women people. Getting pregnant accidentally should not be a source of shame or guilt. Either should terminating that pregnancy, especially early on. The baggage religious people put on women is terribly wrong.
I never have had an abortion because I convinced my Catholic parents when I was 17 (back in the 70s) to sanction my desire to take birth control pills. Meanwhile, friends were playing Russian Roulette and some lost.
I married young and had 4 miscarriages before doctors realized what was wrong. One was at a Catholic hospital where they buried the 11 week fetal remains without my permission. This is what drives people to feel guilt and shame. Yet it should be a medical condition for which the avenues are sought for the woman without heaping on guilt.
As a mother of four daughters, I told them when they were about 14 or 15 that we were not going to raise any babies in our house. They were to start using birth control when they wanted to be sexually active. Our Women's hospital had/has a wonderful teen program. I allowed my kids to skip school to take their sexually active friends to that program to learn what they didn't know. They all left with some condoms, but at least also with knowledge. I was shocked at the parents, mostly Catholic but not all, who refused to discuss sex or birth control with their kids. Kids were having sex and hoping for the best. I lectured boys that came around about their responsibilities.
My younger adopted sister got pregnant at 17. She couldn't believe it because she thought girls got pregnant during their periods (and she refused to listen to any of us talk about sex or read about it because "she wasn't that kind of girl"). She wanted an abortion. My parents were not against it on the basis of principle, but talked about adoption, her own birth mother having also been 16. She went to a "home for unwed mothers," an expensive place near my college. She gave her baby up and was happy and relieved to do so. She wonders about him but has never looked up her birth mother and does not want to interfere in his life either. It was wonderful to be raised by intelligent and thoughtful parents who, despite their religious beliefs or ethical ideas, did not force anything on us and instead allowed us to determine that aspect of our lives. I did the same for my 4 daughters.
Elizabeth, I have many more stories, but the important message is…my body, my choice. I also don’t like to hear women denigrate other women who have chosen to have their babies, not that you were. Women can be brutal sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this, Lauri. I think it touches us all in different ways. As I was at the kitchen sink, just a couple of minutes ago, it occurred to me that I didn't even consider sharing my own story about having an abortion. Wondering why I didn't was cut short because I didn't even want to remember it.
Yes Fern, “it touches us all in different ways.” No woman, including me, ever makes this decision easily. We have many powerful, heart rending stories about this pivotal point in our lives. May we rise up to meet this cruelty with determination.
It’s so bittersweet to me thinking about “kitchen sink” moments. I’ll bet every woman on this forum have had at least one. What is it? The running water? What stills us to contemplate something important at the kitchen sink? I wonder if there has ever been a painting or a poem about it.
Thank you for sharing your history, Lauri. It is a reminder of how difficult it is for women to make the decision to have an abortion. Your parents didn't give you the choice. The state of TX has become the "all knowing parent" for all women.
This piece and today's comments are really good in stirring the mind about this issue. It's a tough one in some ways. No obvious right answer for me. At 17 I got pregnant for the first time, alone and confused in the late '60's at an art school I had not wanted to attend. I was reeling from the chaos of all that was going on in that era and actually wanted to get a job, not go to school. My parents plucked me out of that school and that relationship, seeing that something unfortunate had happened to me possibly because they had forced me into a situation I had not wanted, and hauled me off to Puerto Rico to have an abortion. More confusion. It was a medical procedure with an attached profound, vast dimension. If they had not done that, my life would have been much different than it has turned out to be. I still feel wrenched by the issue- being pregnant by the wrong guy at the wrong time in one's life is a tragedy, but so is having an abortion. Abortion can be seen as the lesser of two evils, certainly when you factor in the dreadful orphanages run by churches or other corrupt organizations. But there are many belief systems that counsel against it. Basically, there is a price to pay for everything we do. I would not wish a back alley abortion on anyone, nor an unwanted child who cannot be cared for properly and whose very existence condemns the parents to a life of hardship. What Texas is doing, what the supreme court is doing, is wrong, in any event, and though I cannot ever celebrate the famous "woman's right to choose," given my own history which had very little choosing on my part, I can say that it seems like cruelty to eliminate options with such callous disregard for those who will suffer.
Agree wholeheartedly, Lauri. I shared yesterday about my sister’s pregnancy, but didn’t go on to say, I later was 17 and pregnant. I had just graduated high school and was scheduled to leave for college. That didn’t happen. I decided to have my baby…scared about what my parents might do to me, I hid my pregnancy as long as I could. I married the father. Not a great marriage, but he took care of us when we needed it. My teenage pregnancy is 49 years old now. She one time asked me if “she was a mistake.” I answered, “you were an accident; never a mistake.” I have reflected on my choices many times, but always conclude that I am happy with my decision. But that was MY CHOICE! I have also seen the devastating, conflictive consequence of having an abortion in such circumstances. Decades later, some women have debilitating guilt. My opinion is that guilt is mostly perpetuated by the right wing political movement that Heather talks about in her Letter. As Jen Psaki said yesterday, (paraphrasing) these women are making excruciatingly hard decisions.
I agree that guilt, shame, and life-long devastation was created by anti-women people. Getting pregnant accidentally should not be a source of shame or guilt. Either should terminating that pregnancy, especially early on. The baggage religious people put on women is terribly wrong.
I never have had an abortion because I convinced my Catholic parents when I was 17 (back in the 70s) to sanction my desire to take birth control pills. Meanwhile, friends were playing Russian Roulette and some lost.
I married young and had 4 miscarriages before doctors realized what was wrong. One was at a Catholic hospital where they buried the 11 week fetal remains without my permission. This is what drives people to feel guilt and shame. Yet it should be a medical condition for which the avenues are sought for the woman without heaping on guilt.
As a mother of four daughters, I told them when they were about 14 or 15 that we were not going to raise any babies in our house. They were to start using birth control when they wanted to be sexually active. Our Women's hospital had/has a wonderful teen program. I allowed my kids to skip school to take their sexually active friends to that program to learn what they didn't know. They all left with some condoms, but at least also with knowledge. I was shocked at the parents, mostly Catholic but not all, who refused to discuss sex or birth control with their kids. Kids were having sex and hoping for the best. I lectured boys that came around about their responsibilities.
My younger adopted sister got pregnant at 17. She couldn't believe it because she thought girls got pregnant during their periods (and she refused to listen to any of us talk about sex or read about it because "she wasn't that kind of girl"). She wanted an abortion. My parents were not against it on the basis of principle, but talked about adoption, her own birth mother having also been 16. She went to a "home for unwed mothers," an expensive place near my college. She gave her baby up and was happy and relieved to do so. She wonders about him but has never looked up her birth mother and does not want to interfere in his life either. It was wonderful to be raised by intelligent and thoughtful parents who, despite their religious beliefs or ethical ideas, did not force anything on us and instead allowed us to determine that aspect of our lives. I did the same for my 4 daughters.
Elizabeth, I have many more stories, but the important message is…my body, my choice. I also don’t like to hear women denigrate other women who have chosen to have their babies, not that you were. Women can be brutal sometimes.
Ladies, thank YOU for sharing your CHOICES!! We should all get to choose.
Your daughters deserve your compassionate and responsible support of their choices. Thank you!
Thank you so much for telling your story. You are a very courageous woman. Very moving to read what you have shared with us.
Thank you, Cheri, for expressing these difficult ideas and sharing your hard-earned wisdom.
Thank you for sharing this, Lauri. I think it touches us all in different ways. As I was at the kitchen sink, just a couple of minutes ago, it occurred to me that I didn't even consider sharing my own story about having an abortion. Wondering why I didn't was cut short because I didn't even want to remember it.
Yes Fern, “it touches us all in different ways.” No woman, including me, ever makes this decision easily. We have many powerful, heart rending stories about this pivotal point in our lives. May we rise up to meet this cruelty with determination.
Thank you, Diane.
Oh Fern….
It’s so bittersweet to me thinking about “kitchen sink” moments. I’ll bet every woman on this forum have had at least one. What is it? The running water? What stills us to contemplate something important at the kitchen sink? I wonder if there has ever been a painting or a poem about it.
Brava!
So very true Christine. Tired at the end of a long day, washing dishes, alone with our thoughts, memories rush in like a flash flood.
Thank you for sharing your history, Lauri. It is a reminder of how difficult it is for women to make the decision to have an abortion. Your parents didn't give you the choice. The state of TX has become the "all knowing parent" for all women.
Wow, eloquent, Lauri.