'Jim Jordan’s Speaker Bid in Jeopardy After He Accidentally Locks Himself in Bathroom'
'WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rep. Jim Jordan’s bid to become Speaker of the House faced a new obstacle after news spread that he had accidentally locked himself in his congressional bathroom.'
'The Ohio congressman, who had been expected to meet with holdouts opposing his candidacy, was missing for hours before aides noticed a desperate bellowing sound from inside his office’s water closet.'' Jordan’s inability to engineer an exit from his own restroom raised fresh questions about his fitness to be Speaker, with some questioning whether he should be trusted with a large, potentially dangerous wooden hammer.'
'But, supporters like Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene pronounced Jordan’s self-imprisonment in his bathroom irrelevant. “I accidentally lock myself in my bathroom three, four times a week, and it hasn’t kept me from being an excellent leader,” she said.' (Satire, NEWYORKER)
Sorry, but she is an idiot. Imagine people actually voted for her, and the likes of JJJJ and trump. There lies the real problem in this country. JJJJ=Jacket-less the jackass Jim Jordan
One can only hope that as the Rethugs dig themselves ever deeper into the morass of obstructionism and extremism, that there will be enough people who finally say, "enough".
MaryPat, I am so heavy with the deaths, hostages, absence of food, water, living space and medicine in Gaza and what may happen beyond; it wasn't until I landed on Andy Borowitz's, Jim Jordan, that there was any laugh in sight. So glad he lifted you and other LFAAers!
Thank you Fern. As Americans I just don't think we are equipped to see the horror and the chaos day in and day out. Our hearts break for all the innocents that are hurt or killed whether they are in Ukraine, Israel or Gaza. We yearn for sanity and clarity and it keeps feeling like we are running up a steep hill and the wind keeps trying to push us back. The HCR letter helps, the comments from thoughtful people like you and so many others do too. But in the end, we must stay strong and try to get everyone who is like minded to VOTE!
Very much appreciate both your serious and humorous posts, Fern. For the past 2 months I've been doing something I never did before - watch Hallmark movies. Every night has a happy (if really corny) ending now.
Vince, at least a small part of Gingrich's brain was functional. I know you remember the Contract with America....
I can only verify 2 brain cells in gym's head--one to make his mouth move, and one to keep his tailpipe closed. That's one more brain cell than his boss....
That is why I opted for "dumber" than. I don't recall enough about Gingrich at this point to address how smart or dumb he is. Jordan is out of his league; over his head. Gingrich was strategic to a point, but quite lethal. (And heartless, which is a requirement for Republicans.) I called his "Contract for America" the Contract against America.
Julia, when I first saw Jordan on TV years ago, I thought he belonged in an Anime adventure as a bumbling villain. His persona is so alien to my reality, that I have trouble believing such a person exists. He shouldn't, really.
Thankfully, I have learned that when Fern posts The Borowitz Report, I have to put the coffee down to avoid the inevitable dispersal of liquid towards my keyboard.
Key words spoken here. “Right minds”, which are only in the Democratic side of the aisle. I’m just praying 5 of the opposite side will smarten up and vote for Jeffries as Speaker. Put Jim Jordan in his place, then expel him, and all the others.
And in so many war-torn, disaster-ridden areas where human beings suffer. It overwhelms. As I sit in my comfortable home on a beautiful fall morning, with electricity, water, food, and medicine I ask all the why and what-if questions we all must ask.
I have been screaming it from the rooftops and emailing the news. Anyone who did not recognize Biden as winning the election should NOT be Speaker of the House. He is liable not to certify the election if Biden wins!
Hope is all we have at the moment. Plus Pete Aquilar, who speaks the truth to all and recognizes idiots when he sees them. Come on, Hakeem. Let's do this!
Liz Cheney put her country first. It's up to moderate Republicans to stand up and do the same. We can't afford to have an extremist Republican Speaker who aided Trump with the insurrection on Jan 6th. It would be a disaster for the people and this country!
Daniel, While I rarely claim to be certain of anything, I unequivocally would submit that your prayers won’t be answered. Accordingly, a substantial bloc of Democrats, including Jeffries, are urging so-called traditional Republicans to serve up a Republican institutionalist (Jeffries has asserted there are several), for whom enough Democrats would vote, to restore regular order to the House.
Extremist terrorists are losing their jobs and going to prison. The Pretenders are thinking twice. I know that some radicals might continue, but I’m hopeful the throng has been subdued considerably
Live by the sword, figuratively die by the sword. When they decided to side with the obstructionist flame thrower block of the GOP, they should have known it would eventually come to this.
Yes, and up to this point in time, they’d be right. For those with money, it appears fairly straightforward to tie the US Justice System up in knots to avoid consequences indefinitely.
If nothing else, Chump knows how to play the US Justice System like a fiddle. He tried to overthrow our government. People died. And he gets a few felony charges that could take years to play out? Seriously??
The danger of Jim Jordan becoming Speaker of the House cannot be overstated. It may be the "straw that breaks the camel's back" of American democracy. Christopher Steele has declared that Putin has been blackmailing Trump with photos of Trump's trysts in Moscow hotel rooms with Russian beauties and that there is a correlation between Putin's close associates mysteriously disappearing and Trump's access to highly classified national security documents. I've believed that all along, particularly given Trump's obsequious performance with Putin at Helsinki following their two hour meeting in which Trump seized the interpreter's notes and instructed her to say nothing about what had been discussed. This is what Jordan supports along with many of his MAGA Republican representatives. It is, in my view, teetering on the brink of disaster for democracy.
Richard, can you share the source or sources, which indicated evidence that Putin has been blackmailing Trump and the 'correlation between Putin's s close associates disappearing '...and Trump's access to highly classified national security documents'? That 'information' is of serious interest. As for a source, were you referring to Christopher David Steele a '...British former intelligence officer with the Secret Intelligence Service from 1987 until his retirement in 2009. He ran the Russia desk at MI6 headquarters in London between 2006 and 2009'? Trump is suing him. See link to WAPO article below. Unfortunately, it is not gifted.
The "coincidence" between Trump's having access to documents that contained the identities of foreign information sources and the close Putin associates who kept falling out of windows last summer raises suspicions.
True, what Jordan can be trusted to do is to wreak havoc and destruction on the country. Already the stock market is in a nose dive because of the Republicans.
Hakeem Jeffries received MORE votes than Jordan. Jim Jordan as Speaker WOULD NOT CERTIFY BIDEN if he won! That is the scariest thing besides being SECOND in line for the Presidency.
Maybe we need to get a movement going that demands the Speaker of the House have NO TIES to the insurrection or ANY involvement in overturning the results of the election.
Having heard Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) speak with integrity, anyone in their right mind would support him for Speaker. Alas, “right minds” are elsewhere…
'Jim Jordan’s Speaker Bid in Jeopardy After He Accidentally Locks Himself in Bathroom'
'WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rep. Jim Jordan’s bid to become Speaker of the House faced a new obstacle after news spread that he had accidentally locked himself in his congressional bathroom.'
'The Ohio congressman, who had been expected to meet with holdouts opposing his candidacy, was missing for hours before aides noticed a desperate bellowing sound from inside his office’s water closet.'' Jordan’s inability to engineer an exit from his own restroom raised fresh questions about his fitness to be Speaker, with some questioning whether he should be trusted with a large, potentially dangerous wooden hammer.'
'But, supporters like Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene pronounced Jordan’s self-imprisonment in his bathroom irrelevant. “I accidentally lock myself in my bathroom three, four times a week, and it hasn’t kept me from being an excellent leader,” she said.' (Satire, NEWYORKER)
Sorry, but she is an idiot. Imagine people actually voted for her, and the likes of JJJJ and trump. There lies the real problem in this country. JJJJ=Jacket-less the jackass Jim Jordan
It struck me that he was wearing his jacket yesterday. It was so new he hadn’t taken the price tag off... I think he plans to return it...,
I think Jordan needs a matched pair of bracelets connected by a chain as a fashion accessory to insurrection.
You're being kind.
Hilarious!
Oh thank you! I needed a laugh.
Things feel pretty dire.
One can only hope that as the Rethugs dig themselves ever deeper into the morass of obstructionism and extremism, that there will be enough people who finally say, "enough".
We all need a good laugh but you’re correct. Things are very dire on so many levels!
Thank you, Cynthia. First laugh of the am.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣
Thanks, Fern! Needed that!
MaryPat, I am so heavy with the deaths, hostages, absence of food, water, living space and medicine in Gaza and what may happen beyond; it wasn't until I landed on Andy Borowitz's, Jim Jordan, that there was any laugh in sight. So glad he lifted you and other LFAAers!
Thank you Fern. As Americans I just don't think we are equipped to see the horror and the chaos day in and day out. Our hearts break for all the innocents that are hurt or killed whether they are in Ukraine, Israel or Gaza. We yearn for sanity and clarity and it keeps feeling like we are running up a steep hill and the wind keeps trying to push us back. The HCR letter helps, the comments from thoughtful people like you and so many others do too. But in the end, we must stay strong and try to get everyone who is like minded to VOTE!
And laugh both before and after.
I completely agree with you, Fern. These are heavy times, and the bit from Andy Borowitz lightened things up a little.
I wonder if Randy Rainbow will come up w/a song...
Fern will find it for us!
Very much appreciate both your serious and humorous posts, Fern. For the past 2 months I've been doing something I never did before - watch Hallmark movies. Every night has a happy (if really corny) ending now.
Ii
Jordan is meaner, nastier and dumber than Newt Gingrich. Let that one sink in. Jordan is a thug, an irreverent bully.
Hard to imagine anyone nastier than Newt Gingrich. Jordan is more stupid than nasty.
Yet, cut from the same cloth.
Vince, at least a small part of Gingrich's brain was functional. I know you remember the Contract with America....
I can only verify 2 brain cells in gym's head--one to make his mouth move, and one to keep his tailpipe closed. That's one more brain cell than his boss....
That is why I opted for "dumber" than. I don't recall enough about Gingrich at this point to address how smart or dumb he is. Jordan is out of his league; over his head. Gingrich was strategic to a point, but quite lethal. (And heartless, which is a requirement for Republicans.) I called his "Contract for America" the Contract against America.
Thank you, Dr. Koch. When did you last examine his pipes?
Now Fern, you know I can't discuss patient confidential information. Like, you know--bone spurs...
❤️
Up to your Hippocratic ways, are you! I shall find a way to pry you loose someday.
Fern thanks for the laugh!😅
🤣
Thank you Fern, Andy, and the New Yorker! What a catharsis. For a moment.
Fern, you're a treasure. You and Borowitz made me laugh, which, when I got up this morning, appeared to be an impossible task. Thanks!!!
I felt exactly as you did this morning, Nancy. Thank you!
This would be just funny, if it weren't highly possible, given the intellectual waste land that is the Republican extremist wing.
They, jj and mtg should have been left in their wc!
When you think of Jim Jordan, does the word 'inept' come to mind?
Yes, Julia, inept and a whole slew of other words, none of them flattering.
Julia, when I first saw Jordan on TV years ago, I thought he belonged in an Anime adventure as a bumbling villain. His persona is so alien to my reality, that I have trouble believing such a person exists. He shouldn't, really.
Fern, thank you, so much! I laughed out loud, nay, I guffawed. I think I frightened the cat.
A belt of Andy B in the morning is better than a tranquilizer. 😂😂😂😂
Thank you so much, Fern, for injecting some humor into an otherwise tense, fraught, outrageous situation. We all need this right now. Spot-on!!
😂😂😂 Just spit out my coffee.
Thankfully, I have learned that when Fern posts The Borowitz Report, I have to put the coffee down to avoid the inevitable dispersal of liquid towards my keyboard.
I saw Borowitz yesterday and instantly saw Gym locked in a sweaty smelly gym bathroom...and that's where he should be for eternity.
Hahahahaha! You can always count on Borowitz for a good laugh, which is so often needed in such dire circumstances.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🤷♂️😎
Fern, you are obviously working in the tradition that Pete Davidson “unleashed” on SNL. Thank you and thank the Greeks, in particular, Aristophanes!
Key words spoken here. “Right minds”, which are only in the Democratic side of the aisle. I’m just praying 5 of the opposite side will smarten up and vote for Jeffries as Speaker. Put Jim Jordan in his place, then expel him, and all the others.
Happy thought; wishful thinking. Every last one considers working with Dems going to the dark side. Bobbleheads all. It could not be more terrifying.
Unless one lives in Israel and Gaza.
Or Ukraine!
Yes, Marge, for certain.
And in so many war-torn, disaster-ridden areas where human beings suffer. It overwhelms. As I sit in my comfortable home on a beautiful fall morning, with electricity, water, food, and medicine I ask all the why and what-if questions we all must ask.
There, but for the grace of God, go I."
If Jordan is an unnamed co-conspirator in the Capitol insurrection trial, is it now a good time to call out his name?
I have been screaming it from the rooftops and emailing the news. Anyone who did not recognize Biden as winning the election should NOT be Speaker of the House. He is liable not to certify the election if Biden wins!
Yes!
On the House Floor the political Dynamics are more complex than "smarten up" Go deeper into the List of 20 posted by Georgia.
Wednesday Update: 2nd Lost Speaker Vote. Now 21 R's Vote against the flamethrower.
I have already sent a note to our "representative" from SW Michigan. Of course he voted for Jordan...what a marroon!
What is his name? We should ALL CALL! I called the Republicans who were vulnerable where they represent the district Biden won.
His name is Bill Huizenga. He replaced Fred Upton who was a definite putz but Huizenga is even worse.
I will start looking at others that I can send notes to!
I had included a list with phone numbers to make it easier to call in Monday’s post I think it was.
Remember this his next election
I always do!
Yes, reducing them to caricatures is not a good strategy, or wise political thinking. Thank you for the reminder.
Hope is all we have at the moment. Plus Pete Aquilar, who speaks the truth to all and recognizes idiots when he sees them. Come on, Hakeem. Let's do this!
Liz Cheney put her country first. It's up to moderate Republicans to stand up and do the same. We can't afford to have an extremist Republican Speaker who aided Trump with the insurrection on Jan 6th. It would be a disaster for the people and this country!
Yes, it will be. I fear this if Jordan gets Speaker. He’s pulling out all stops, including intimidation, and threats, to get his vote.
He’s already started. The private phone numbers of those who opposed him were publicized. They received death threats! Nice, isn’t it?
Daniel, While I rarely claim to be certain of anything, I unequivocally would submit that your prayers won’t be answered. Accordingly, a substantial bloc of Democrats, including Jeffries, are urging so-called traditional Republicans to serve up a Republican institutionalist (Jeffries has asserted there are several), for whom enough Democrats would vote, to restore regular order to the House.
Don’t forget how scared Republicans are of the extremists constituency they helped build up. They fear attacks if they choose a Democrat.
Extremist terrorists are losing their jobs and going to prison. The Pretenders are thinking twice. I know that some radicals might continue, but I’m hopeful the throng has been subdued considerably
Live by the sword, figuratively die by the sword. When they decided to side with the obstructionist flame thrower block of the GOP, they should have known it would eventually come to this.
I think that they, like the elites whose money bought them a seat in Congress, think they are immune to consequences.
Yes, and up to this point in time, they’d be right. For those with money, it appears fairly straightforward to tie the US Justice System up in knots to avoid consequences indefinitely.
If nothing else, Chump knows how to play the US Justice System like a fiddle. He tried to overthrow our government. People died. And he gets a few felony charges that could take years to play out? Seriously??
Dave, you can bet your last dollar that Jordan and Trumputin have a plan, if he can get Jordan in as Speaker, it will be out in motion.
You got that right. First order of business:
Shutdown the government. Cause chaos.
Second order of business:
to NOT certify the election if Biden wins
Politician or not, Honesty is important to me.
Yes! Character matters.
Thoughts become words
Words become actions
Actions become habits
Habits become character
Character is everything!
Exactly!!!
The danger of Jim Jordan becoming Speaker of the House cannot be overstated. It may be the "straw that breaks the camel's back" of American democracy. Christopher Steele has declared that Putin has been blackmailing Trump with photos of Trump's trysts in Moscow hotel rooms with Russian beauties and that there is a correlation between Putin's close associates mysteriously disappearing and Trump's access to highly classified national security documents. I've believed that all along, particularly given Trump's obsequious performance with Putin at Helsinki following their two hour meeting in which Trump seized the interpreter's notes and instructed her to say nothing about what had been discussed. This is what Jordan supports along with many of his MAGA Republican representatives. It is, in my view, teetering on the brink of disaster for democracy.
Richard, can you share the source or sources, which indicated evidence that Putin has been blackmailing Trump and the 'correlation between Putin's s close associates disappearing '...and Trump's access to highly classified national security documents'? That 'information' is of serious interest. As for a source, were you referring to Christopher David Steele a '...British former intelligence officer with the Secret Intelligence Service from 1987 until his retirement in 2009. He ran the Russia desk at MI6 headquarters in London between 2006 and 2009'? Trump is suing him. See link to WAPO article below. Unfortunately, it is not gifted.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2023/10/16/trump-steele-dossier-sue-britain/
Good morning, Fern. Trump is being prosecuted for his taking national security documents, 48 of which are known to be missing. Christopher Steele recently made an announcement about Trump's being a national security threat. There are many sources that you can google for this, but here's one: https://www.reuters.com/world/uk/trump-committed-egregious-intelligence-breach-ex-uk-spy-tells-court-2023-10-17/
The "coincidence" between Trump's having access to documents that contained the identities of foreign information sources and the close Putin associates who kept falling out of windows last summer raises suspicions.
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/oct/17/russian-sources-disappeared-after-trump-declassified-ex-spys-evidence-uk-court-told
Guardian has no paywall and no ads. Similar info to Reuters.
Thank you, Richard.
https://wapo.st/3S316Nk
Should be a gift article.
This article reads like a Borowitz report.
Yes, that's it. THANK YOU!
We cannot allow him to be in that position. He can’t be trusted to do what is best for our country.
True, what Jordan can be trusted to do is to wreak havoc and destruction on the country. Already the stock market is in a nose dive because of the Republicans.
But they will blame it on Biden. They blame everything on Biden; even the war in Israel.
Confirmation bias.
Hakeem Jeffries received MORE votes than Jordan. Jim Jordan as Speaker WOULD NOT CERTIFY BIDEN if he won! That is the scariest thing besides being SECOND in line for the Presidency.
Maybe we need to get a movement going that demands the Speaker of the House have NO TIES to the insurrection or ANY involvement in overturning the results of the election.
So true.