Hi Diana.
I think questioning everything was part of my personality from the beginning. Add to that - growing up immersed in hatred (the beliefs taught at church & home) and pain (home was a violent environment) was difficult to stomach - literally and figuratively. I had stomachaches and headaches from all the hate. I rebelled every ti…
I think questioning everything was part of my personality from the beginning. Add to that - growing up immersed in hatred (the beliefs taught at church & home) and pain (home was a violent environment) was difficult to stomach - literally and figuratively. I had stomachaches and headaches from all the hate. I rebelled every time I was told something was absolute and written in stone and I was wrong, blasphemous and a willful, horrible child if I asked why. I found it all too much to hold. As I grew up I began to see the holes in the plot lines, if you will. I wish I could say that there were specific people who showed me a different way to be or who planted the seeds of questioning but there wasn’t. I did have a few individuals in my childhood who were very kind to me and that mattered beyond measure but they did not impart any specific lessons on looking beyond what I was taught.
Without telling anyone until a week before I left for basic training I joined the military a few months prior to high school graduation and left three weeks after. Getting out of the evangelical/white supremacy bubble was everything. Being around other people who held a variety of beliefs, living life without the constant impending doom of the End Times, starting college at night, testing myself - all of that gave me the room to learn, explore and make up my own mind.
Thank you for telling us your story. I can't think of an adjective to descrbe the horror and pain and eroding hate you endured in your young life. And thank you for finding a (secret) way out of it. I am stunned. I am not naive. I joined a pentocostal movement in college for a year, but tired of what seemed like nonsense to me. To think of what it became, and how it could undermine our democracy, even potentially eliminate our world, and all the suffering you endured (inn the Name of Christ) - I think it is a story that needs to be told to a much larger audience. Terrible and riveting, and so incredibly sad. Americans need to hear it. Write it. Thanks.
Thank you for sharing. Your childhood sounds very stressful and repressive, and quite frightening. You had quite a bit of personal strength to question and to leave the world without giving much notice. You must be a strong person.
It's ironic that Christianity is supposed to be about a god of love, which to me means nurturing and helping children become who they are meant to be; and, instead, this cult created an oppressive hate and fear-filled environment. The best way to control others is through fear, and evidently the leaders used this method.
Hi Diana. I appreciate your kind words - my childhood was all of those things. I have had to be strong at times but I think it was/is mostly stubbornness :) One of my grandfathers used to tell me “you could give lessons in stubbornness to a mule”. (Sometimes he meant it as compliment - sometimes not.)
In college I took courses in rhetoric, brainwashing. psychology and various religions to help me understand what I went through. It was sad to realize the level of fear that some religions and power seeking individuals use to control and manipulate people - especially so with religion given that, as you pointed out, it is supposed to be about love, service & support. It’s good there are religions and ways of thought that do not resort to such awful tactics.
I am thankful for it Christi. Every day. Between my childhood and events during my military service I have chronic, complex ptsd. I have learned how to deal with it but there are still - and always will be - bad days. On those days I sometimes think I can’t keep going but my stubbornness kicks in and carries me through. It definitely comes in handy! Thank you for your kind words. Be well.
I, too, have complex PTSD, and on the bad days it is my stubbornness and ability to reach out that has allowed me to stay until things get calmer. Mine is civilian PTSD. I wouldn't wish PTSD on my worst enemy. Be well, Kasumii.
I am sorry that you have it too. I wish you many blessings and all the support you need, when you feel you need it, as you go through life.
You are a better person than I. I would wish my PTSD, in all it’s complex, chronic nature that invades every part my of life - on those who created the situations that gave it to me. Not permanently - but for a solid six months. They should not only know, but feel, the damage they caused. Of course, this is just random magical thinking. But, yeah, I think if I could do that, I probably would - on those very specific people only.
After being suppressed by the cult, and emerging, and it sounds as if you're doing well now, maybe writing an article or book about the process and what you learned might be helpful to others? I would be interesting to read.
Hi Diana.
I think questioning everything was part of my personality from the beginning. Add to that - growing up immersed in hatred (the beliefs taught at church & home) and pain (home was a violent environment) was difficult to stomach - literally and figuratively. I had stomachaches and headaches from all the hate. I rebelled every time I was told something was absolute and written in stone and I was wrong, blasphemous and a willful, horrible child if I asked why. I found it all too much to hold. As I grew up I began to see the holes in the plot lines, if you will. I wish I could say that there were specific people who showed me a different way to be or who planted the seeds of questioning but there wasn’t. I did have a few individuals in my childhood who were very kind to me and that mattered beyond measure but they did not impart any specific lessons on looking beyond what I was taught.
Without telling anyone until a week before I left for basic training I joined the military a few months prior to high school graduation and left three weeks after. Getting out of the evangelical/white supremacy bubble was everything. Being around other people who held a variety of beliefs, living life without the constant impending doom of the End Times, starting college at night, testing myself - all of that gave me the room to learn, explore and make up my own mind.
Thank you for telling us your story. I can't think of an adjective to descrbe the horror and pain and eroding hate you endured in your young life. And thank you for finding a (secret) way out of it. I am stunned. I am not naive. I joined a pentocostal movement in college for a year, but tired of what seemed like nonsense to me. To think of what it became, and how it could undermine our democracy, even potentially eliminate our world, and all the suffering you endured (inn the Name of Christ) - I think it is a story that needs to be told to a much larger audience. Terrible and riveting, and so incredibly sad. Americans need to hear it. Write it. Thanks.
Thank you for your kind words.
So glad you had the resilience to survive and then make a life for yourself based on positive values.
Thank you.
Hi Kasumii,
Thank you for sharing. Your childhood sounds very stressful and repressive, and quite frightening. You had quite a bit of personal strength to question and to leave the world without giving much notice. You must be a strong person.
It's ironic that Christianity is supposed to be about a god of love, which to me means nurturing and helping children become who they are meant to be; and, instead, this cult created an oppressive hate and fear-filled environment. The best way to control others is through fear, and evidently the leaders used this method.
Hi Diana. I appreciate your kind words - my childhood was all of those things. I have had to be strong at times but I think it was/is mostly stubbornness :) One of my grandfathers used to tell me “you could give lessons in stubbornness to a mule”. (Sometimes he meant it as compliment - sometimes not.)
In college I took courses in rhetoric, brainwashing. psychology and various religions to help me understand what I went through. It was sad to realize the level of fear that some religions and power seeking individuals use to control and manipulate people - especially so with religion given that, as you pointed out, it is supposed to be about love, service & support. It’s good there are religions and ways of thought that do not resort to such awful tactics.
Well, it is important to give thanks or that stubbornness, Kasumli. It helped you leave a life of trauma. Be well and thank you for sharing.
I am thankful for it Christi. Every day. Between my childhood and events during my military service I have chronic, complex ptsd. I have learned how to deal with it but there are still - and always will be - bad days. On those days I sometimes think I can’t keep going but my stubbornness kicks in and carries me through. It definitely comes in handy! Thank you for your kind words. Be well.
I, too, have complex PTSD, and on the bad days it is my stubbornness and ability to reach out that has allowed me to stay until things get calmer. Mine is civilian PTSD. I wouldn't wish PTSD on my worst enemy. Be well, Kasumii.
I am sorry that you have it too. I wish you many blessings and all the support you need, when you feel you need it, as you go through life.
You are a better person than I. I would wish my PTSD, in all it’s complex, chronic nature that invades every part my of life - on those who created the situations that gave it to me. Not permanently - but for a solid six months. They should not only know, but feel, the damage they caused. Of course, this is just random magical thinking. But, yeah, I think if I could do that, I probably would - on those very specific people only.
After being suppressed by the cult, and emerging, and it sounds as if you're doing well now, maybe writing an article or book about the process and what you learned might be helpful to others? I would be interesting to read.
I would find it interesting to read.
Thank you Diana. I do think about writing it all down - maybe someday I will.