My love and life partner died when our children were five and eight years old. Many people insisted that I should pass the kids off to aunts or other relatives and start my life over again. This struck me as cold hearted and crass, so I raised them alone. It is a touch job in the best of circumstances, but is was my choice to have childr…
My love and life partner died when our children were five and eight years old. Many people insisted that I should pass the kids off to aunts or other relatives and start my life over again. This struck me as cold hearted and crass, so I raised them alone. It is a touch job in the best of circumstances, but is was my choice to have children, and my gender did not give me a free ticket out of the situation. More and more men are seeing parenthood as a shared responsibility, as it should be. For good reason I see the care of our young to be a sacred duty and have never regretted my decision. The government needs to "man up" for this reality in order to insure the future health of our children and our country.
Parenting is dicey business at best. Bravo to you Craig for shouldering the responsibility. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, even though most of us are capable biologically of making children. “Parent” has two meanings. One is biological. One is cultural. Culturally we give dad’s a huge pass to -well, pass, on being a “good, attentive, nurturing” parent. Woe be to the woman who falls short in this category, though. I am heartened by the cultural shift this Dads Caucus represents, and for all the new fathers (and all that came before, like yourself, Craig) that step up as an equal in the cultural responsibility to raise, guide, and provide for our children. The greatest amount of people win when children are well cared for, nurtured, educated, and inspired.
I know many adults who as children were passed off to relatives to be raised after a mother’s untimely death. Now these people are deep into their 60’s and 70’s and some were raised with love and integrated as part of the family. Others were kicked out at 16, had to quit school and find a life. The fathers, remarried and unwelcome by the present wife were completely exonerated by society in general as their right to find a new life. Child support was never discussed and many men have just walked away. Same with divorced families. Because the patriarchy got to pick and choose instead of being held financially responsible if they got someone else to do their job for them. It’s not true for all widowed/divorced single parents, and many did wonderful jobs as step parents. But, I can tell you stories told to me first hand by adults who suffered from being a throw away child.
I am watching with interest the newly married young couple next door and their newborn infant. Both parents have taken a leave of absence from work. Mom 5 months and Dad 3 months.
I think back when my Mom had us. Did my father even take a day off of work? My Mom did not have an outside of the home job.
How different times are. I am in my 60's and wonder about the different effects on society these differences will bring in 50 years.
My dad was able to take a little time off work with each of us, I think he took a weeks vacation. Then our great aunts came to take over after that. I’m in my mid 60’s and the second of 4 daughters. My nephew is able to take 6 weeks of family leave with each of his 4 soon to be 5 children. But being there’s no standard maturity/paternity leave at this time, it’s wildly unpredictable. We the people should vote for candidates willing to create a national standard.
Thank you Craig. You sound like a wonderful loving father. Pray your family has thrived despite the loss of your beloved. My grandmother died when my mother was only 18 months old. She was farmed out (literally, Aunt Mary had a farm in Fennville, MI). My grandfather remarried when my mother was 5. When I was an adult, my mother shared with me how she never felt she belonged and everything was temporary. Of course, as a baby, this was hard to articulate. It's bad enough dealing with death and loss, but you avoided adding despair and abandonment to the mix.
Craig, my sons were 9 and 11 when the same thing happened to me. No one I knew made such a suggestion, because I was their mother. Raising them alone was the hardest work I ever did. Hence, my comment downthread in re: Rep. Gomez’s remark. It hit me where I live.
My love and life partner died when our children were five and eight years old. Many people insisted that I should pass the kids off to aunts or other relatives and start my life over again. This struck me as cold hearted and crass, so I raised them alone. It is a touch job in the best of circumstances, but is was my choice to have children, and my gender did not give me a free ticket out of the situation. More and more men are seeing parenthood as a shared responsibility, as it should be. For good reason I see the care of our young to be a sacred duty and have never regretted my decision. The government needs to "man up" for this reality in order to insure the future health of our children and our country.
Lovely comment, Craig. High fives all around to you and your children.
Parenting is dicey business at best. Bravo to you Craig for shouldering the responsibility. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, even though most of us are capable biologically of making children. “Parent” has two meanings. One is biological. One is cultural. Culturally we give dad’s a huge pass to -well, pass, on being a “good, attentive, nurturing” parent. Woe be to the woman who falls short in this category, though. I am heartened by the cultural shift this Dads Caucus represents, and for all the new fathers (and all that came before, like yourself, Craig) that step up as an equal in the cultural responsibility to raise, guide, and provide for our children. The greatest amount of people win when children are well cared for, nurtured, educated, and inspired.
Brave and beyond argument
Why would anyone suggest such a thing? Discard your children like unwanted pets (also not acceptable btw).
I know many adults who as children were passed off to relatives to be raised after a mother’s untimely death. Now these people are deep into their 60’s and 70’s and some were raised with love and integrated as part of the family. Others were kicked out at 16, had to quit school and find a life. The fathers, remarried and unwelcome by the present wife were completely exonerated by society in general as their right to find a new life. Child support was never discussed and many men have just walked away. Same with divorced families. Because the patriarchy got to pick and choose instead of being held financially responsible if they got someone else to do their job for them. It’s not true for all widowed/divorced single parents, and many did wonderful jobs as step parents. But, I can tell you stories told to me first hand by adults who suffered from being a throw away child.
I am watching with interest the newly married young couple next door and their newborn infant. Both parents have taken a leave of absence from work. Mom 5 months and Dad 3 months.
I think back when my Mom had us. Did my father even take a day off of work? My Mom did not have an outside of the home job.
How different times are. I am in my 60's and wonder about the different effects on society these differences will bring in 50 years.
My dad was able to take a little time off work with each of us, I think he took a weeks vacation. Then our great aunts came to take over after that. I’m in my mid 60’s and the second of 4 daughters. My nephew is able to take 6 weeks of family leave with each of his 4 soon to be 5 children. But being there’s no standard maturity/paternity leave at this time, it’s wildly unpredictable. We the people should vote for candidates willing to create a national standard.
Thank you Craig. You sound like a wonderful loving father. Pray your family has thrived despite the loss of your beloved. My grandmother died when my mother was only 18 months old. She was farmed out (literally, Aunt Mary had a farm in Fennville, MI). My grandfather remarried when my mother was 5. When I was an adult, my mother shared with me how she never felt she belonged and everything was temporary. Of course, as a baby, this was hard to articulate. It's bad enough dealing with death and loss, but you avoided adding despair and abandonment to the mix.
Craig, my sons were 9 and 11 when the same thing happened to me. No one I knew made such a suggestion, because I was their mother. Raising them alone was the hardest work I ever did. Hence, my comment downthread in re: Rep. Gomez’s remark. It hit me where I live.
Bravo, Craig...and I am sure the love and care for your children was not predicated on thanks from others.
Craig,
Well done. My congratulations for a "job" well done.