The accumulation, the piling on, the numbers, the numbers aren’t just digits, anonymous digits, pieces of fruit or days in the week or votes given or taken away by some nameless hand – they are you sitting there today, slipping into memory tomorrow. 2,000 a day, 2,500 hundred a day, 3,000 lost childre…
The accumulation, the piling on, the numbers, the numbers aren’t just digits, anonymous digits, pieces of fruit or days in the week or votes given or taken away by some nameless hand – they are you sitting there today, slipping into memory tomorrow. 2,000 a day, 2,500 hundred a day, 3,000 lost children a day because we are all some mother’s child, some father’s child brother sister – a life is not a digit, the pain of loss cannot be atomized with math to some place where the hurting stops.
And the counting feels relentless, a numbing rain of numbers washing me away, and the raging, at masks, at the loss of a beer hall some call freedom – rage in the face of numbers, no longer far away New York City numbers or Italy numbers or China numbers, but my next door neighbor numbers, and I need to rage, I have to rage, at my helplessness, because I can’t admit to it all, can’t surrender to it because I’ve built a wall of denial around myself and now I can’t get out. So, I take a pass on reality, block it, block it, block it. And if I die, who gives a damn, it’s my right. And if you die, well, that’s the price of freedom.
I too, am outraged, exhausted, and flummoxed. For two years, I spoke with others about how another Civil War could maybe happen. We are seeing it with our own eyes. I mean right in front of us! And for what reason? The white man, some women, (extremists and supremacists) do not want to have their space invaded by people of color. Oh and, of course, it’s all about protections for the corporations. None are extended for the people. So they invoke fear. Here's the thing though. Republicans are really good at getting their message out because they do it repetitively. Democrats, simply don’t have the gumption, the fervor, that wreaks havoc like the Repubs do. Why is that?
Now all of a sudden, Barr Nun wants to resign but not until he leaves his mark by appointing special counsel to investigate Hunter and his uncle. Then you’ve got these 17 rogue governors who refuse to acknowledge Biden’s win.
I’ve got to get some sleep y’all...sometime, someday.
I know you probably already started researching but had to share! I have had a stuffy nose for a month now but all else is fine so am not worried. Also, I noticed these days when I clean and sweep which activates dust, I will sneeze a lot now unlike when I was younger.
Added to that is living in a closed atmosphere now rather than with windows opened or fans going. I get congested & hoarse & runny nose about every other day - blame it on my "allergies".
Every time my husband coughs or sneezes I tense up. Every time I go into the grocery store I find myself holding my breath for as long as possible after passing another customer. It’s lurking around us, and the unmitigated evil of all these antics about overturning the election are like an endless display of fireworks that fizzle but occasionally cause pain to an innocent person. I just want to stand on top of the highest building and shout at those below me ‘Just stop this! Get over yourselves! Five people you know will die in the next year. Just settle down and knock this off!’
At the beginning of the pandemic, I was so absorbed with the political circus that I didn't mind staying at home, doing only necessary errands. However, with the election over and real catastrophe having been avoided (I understand that the pandemic, alone, is a catastrophe), I was elated for only a short time. Now I'm worried and distracted, and think that the combination of political and global health disasters are causing most of us severe angst. It's a difficult time, and hope of better days is all we can lean on for the present. To quote a famous Democrat, "I feel your pain." There are more of us than them, and we're stronger.
Cynthia, can you have groceries delivered or can you order them online and have them put into your car's trunk in the store's parking lot? That's what I've been doing since mid-March.
I will have to start doing that... There is a small grocery store about 45 minutes from here...they are exemplary with their operation...Limited number of people inside...everyone in masks, every cart is really cleaned thoroughly..no bags are to be brought in, the manager is outside of the store most of the time (or another employee) with masks and antibacterial wipes and liquids to give everyone a good clean ups before they enter! Whole Foods which is about that far away too..I almost feel that the virus is pumped in through the ventilation system..it just doesn't feel right...we can't get things delivered but believe me, anything I can order from Amazon is filling up my shelfs!
I'm 'sneezy' too with a runny nose. I had a negative covid test less than a week ago. So I'm just self monitoring. Thanks for the covid symptoms check Lynell. Much appreciated. Hang in there Karen!
I can’t count the times I sat at night, my head filling up, my eyes burning and I thought, yup, here it is....but I woke up the next morning and it wasn’t. We create disease by focusing on it. Take a breath and relax out of fear.
br, thank you for your comment. This post, however clumsily, was meant to reflect two conflicting experiences - the first paragraph reflecting my personal experience with the pandemic, the second that of an imagined person.
A long time ago, a friend of mine - a talented writer, told me that once you write something and send it out into the world, you must let it go. People will make of it what they will, view it through their eyes, their experience, and their reaction isn’t right or wrong or better or worse than what you may have intended or thought when you were writing it – the writing has its own life.
I respect your interpretation – and the only reason I commented is that I didn’t want anyone to think I, personally, didn’t give a damn if I die or if others die.
Your comment was actually very helpful - next time I will spend another minute editing before hitting the post button.
Morning steam of consciousness rant …
The accumulation, the piling on, the numbers, the numbers aren’t just digits, anonymous digits, pieces of fruit or days in the week or votes given or taken away by some nameless hand – they are you sitting there today, slipping into memory tomorrow. 2,000 a day, 2,500 hundred a day, 3,000 lost children a day because we are all some mother’s child, some father’s child brother sister – a life is not a digit, the pain of loss cannot be atomized with math to some place where the hurting stops.
And the counting feels relentless, a numbing rain of numbers washing me away, and the raging, at masks, at the loss of a beer hall some call freedom – rage in the face of numbers, no longer far away New York City numbers or Italy numbers or China numbers, but my next door neighbor numbers, and I need to rage, I have to rage, at my helplessness, because I can’t admit to it all, can’t surrender to it because I’ve built a wall of denial around myself and now I can’t get out. So, I take a pass on reality, block it, block it, block it. And if I die, who gives a damn, it’s my right. And if you die, well, that’s the price of freedom.
I too, am outraged, exhausted, and flummoxed. For two years, I spoke with others about how another Civil War could maybe happen. We are seeing it with our own eyes. I mean right in front of us! And for what reason? The white man, some women, (extremists and supremacists) do not want to have their space invaded by people of color. Oh and, of course, it’s all about protections for the corporations. None are extended for the people. So they invoke fear. Here's the thing though. Republicans are really good at getting their message out because they do it repetitively. Democrats, simply don’t have the gumption, the fervor, that wreaks havoc like the Repubs do. Why is that?
Now all of a sudden, Barr Nun wants to resign but not until he leaves his mark by appointing special counsel to investigate Hunter and his uncle. Then you’ve got these 17 rogue governors who refuse to acknowledge Biden’s win.
I’ve got to get some sleep y’all...sometime, someday.
More died on Monday, the 79th anniversary of Pearl Harbor, than died in the Japanese attack.
More died today than died in the San Francisco earthquake and fire (3,000).
Sickening
Arguably one of the best "comments" I have read on this thread. It is both poetic and tragic.
I started sneezing this morning and am terrified...
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/symptoms-testing/symptoms.html?CDC_AA_refVal=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cdc.gov%2Fcoronavirus%2F2019-ncov%2Fabout%2Fsymptoms.html Karen, it doesn't directly say sneezing, but it does say runny nose. Don't panic!!
Awwww... thank you, Lynell. That’s very kind of you to post that for me. Not panicking, really, but it certainly runs through ones mind.
I know you probably already started researching but had to share! I have had a stuffy nose for a month now but all else is fine so am not worried. Also, I noticed these days when I clean and sweep which activates dust, I will sneeze a lot now unlike when I was younger.
That’s why I avoid those tasks.
👏🏼👏🏼😆😆
LOL!
Added to that is living in a closed atmosphere now rather than with windows opened or fans going. I get congested & hoarse & runny nose about every other day - blame it on my "allergies".
Every time my husband coughs or sneezes I tense up. Every time I go into the grocery store I find myself holding my breath for as long as possible after passing another customer. It’s lurking around us, and the unmitigated evil of all these antics about overturning the election are like an endless display of fireworks that fizzle but occasionally cause pain to an innocent person. I just want to stand on top of the highest building and shout at those below me ‘Just stop this! Get over yourselves! Five people you know will die in the next year. Just settle down and knock this off!’
It’s time to get busy fighting the real fight!
At the beginning of the pandemic, I was so absorbed with the political circus that I didn't mind staying at home, doing only necessary errands. However, with the election over and real catastrophe having been avoided (I understand that the pandemic, alone, is a catastrophe), I was elated for only a short time. Now I'm worried and distracted, and think that the combination of political and global health disasters are causing most of us severe angst. It's a difficult time, and hope of better days is all we can lean on for the present. To quote a famous Democrat, "I feel your pain." There are more of us than them, and we're stronger.
I"m back to Instacart. Even the grocery store seems too risky.
Cynthia, can you have groceries delivered or can you order them online and have them put into your car's trunk in the store's parking lot? That's what I've been doing since mid-March.
I will have to start doing that... There is a small grocery store about 45 minutes from here...they are exemplary with their operation...Limited number of people inside...everyone in masks, every cart is really cleaned thoroughly..no bags are to be brought in, the manager is outside of the store most of the time (or another employee) with masks and antibacterial wipes and liquids to give everyone a good clean ups before they enter! Whole Foods which is about that far away too..I almost feel that the virus is pumped in through the ventilation system..it just doesn't feel right...we can't get things delivered but believe me, anything I can order from Amazon is filling up my shelfs!
I have an excessively runny nose EVERY DAY lately. Mold is high.
I'm 'sneezy' too with a runny nose. I had a negative covid test less than a week ago. So I'm just self monitoring. Thanks for the covid symptoms check Lynell. Much appreciated. Hang in there Karen!
I can’t count the times I sat at night, my head filling up, my eyes burning and I thought, yup, here it is....but I woke up the next morning and it wasn’t. We create disease by focusing on it. Take a breath and relax out of fear.
br, thank you for your comment. This post, however clumsily, was meant to reflect two conflicting experiences - the first paragraph reflecting my personal experience with the pandemic, the second that of an imagined person.
Sorry to misinterpret your post. Beautifully written.
No need to be sorry, but thank you.
A long time ago, a friend of mine - a talented writer, told me that once you write something and send it out into the world, you must let it go. People will make of it what they will, view it through their eyes, their experience, and their reaction isn’t right or wrong or better or worse than what you may have intended or thought when you were writing it – the writing has its own life.
I respect your interpretation – and the only reason I commented is that I didn’t want anyone to think I, personally, didn’t give a damn if I die or if others die.
Your comment was actually very helpful - next time I will spend another minute editing before hitting the post button.
No, br, I do not wish to be any other way!
Back at'cha!